Friday, February 03, 2006

In the way of violating the law.

I read a story today on about a Colombian heroin ring that hid their drugs from authorities by sewing them into the stomachs of puppies. Now let me preface this blog by saying that I am firmly a dog person. We always had at least one dog around when I was growing up, and I wish my apartment allowed dogs so I could have one of my own. I'm also not much of a drug person. Keeping that in mind, I have to give to those drug lords. I mean, puppies? Brilliant! First of all, the average Joe Customs Officer doesn't want to be seen as an asshole for doing a cavity search on a 10-month-old Beagle, even if said dog is being carried in its tote by a 6'5" Venezualan with a dragon tattoo winding around his left arm. Also, say you have your drug sniffing dogs on the job, patrolling the terminal. Would you be suspicious when your dog begins sniffing the ass and crotch area of a year old King Charles Spaniel? Of course not! That's what dogs do! It's pracitcally a handshake for them.

Now that these Colombians have been busted, they've ruined that method for all the other South American drug cartels. So where does a power/money hungry drug lord hide his merchandise now? Here are some thoughts:

- A snake: Snakes are creepy. Nobody likes touching/holding them except for drug addicts and other dealers. Plus, you can say the bulge in its abdomen is just an undigested mouse.

- A boom box: Sure, the police are going to try to search you if you look suspicious. But will they be able to finish the search when the jam box reeking of hashish starts playing "Shadows of the Night?" I doubt it.

- Another person: That way, when they get caught, you don't. Probably shouldn't be somebody who can identify you in a court hearing.

So let that be a lesson to the trailer park meth cookers, closet-blacklight pot farmers and backwoods moonshine makers: with a little ingenuity, you can hide your goods in a way that is both inventive and effective.

And then get caught. But at least you'll be read about on Maybe you'll even be the top story.