Friday, February 03, 2006

In Memoriam

So I'm taking some time away from writing that I should be doing because while scanning, I read that their longtime film critic Paul Clinton has passed away. Now, since I put as much stock into film reviewers as I do in the chances that I will spontaneously gain the ability to fly, I figured I would judge the man by his words, to ask the most important question of all about his no doubt impressive body of work:

Does he agree with me?

Here's what he has said about some films I've seen, with my comments beneath:

-North Country
"Around this time of year -- like a visit from the flu bug -- Hollywood is bitten by a severe case of B.O.B, 'Blatant Oscar Bid.' 'North Country' is one of this year's first full-blown cases."

Right on, Paul. With every shot screaming of potential rape and filmed like a lifetime movie, North Country deserved little more than whatever meager box office numbers it managed to achieve.

-50 First Dates
"Remember the comedy 'Groundhog Day,' in which Bill Murray is forced to relive the same day time and time again? Well, '50 First Dates' has the exact same premise with one big difference: It's not funny."

Zing, you snappy bitch. I love it.

-One Hour Photo
"Robin Williams, it has been reported, decided to change his career strategy in the aftermath of being critically accused of playing the same warm-and-fuzzy characters time and again in such sappy films as 'Patch Adams' (1998) and 'Jack' (1996). It got to the point where insulin shots should have been sold along with the tickets to his films."

To be honest, I didn't see this one - I just like the fact that he dumped on Robin Williams a little bit.

So in the end, what does all of this mean. Have I lost a kindred spirit? Are all the people with my taste in movies slowly being killed off by fate, or natural causes? I don't know for sure, but I do know this: Anyone who called "Freddy Got Fingered" quite simply the worst film ever released by a major studio in Hollywood history is OK by me. You'll be missed, Paul.


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